Blog Reflection

Through blogging, I learned that as a reader, I tend to become conflicted on issues in books very easily. Although I start off with a clear opinion, as I start typing and referring back to the book, I often find myself mentally arguing with myself on the truth of my original opinion. As I usually include questions in my posts that relate the story to real life, at the end of most of my posts I will say that I don't know the answer to my own question, which, regardless of my original opinion, was always the truth all along. I realized that I enjoy asking questions that make me think but never find an answer despite the thinking (even though I believe everything does have a definite answer). From blogging, I benefited by learning to understand that not all questions can be answered by my original opinions, and even when I think deeper into the issue, I may still not have an answer. I also benefited by being able to write out my thoughts regardless of whether or not people actually read them. I am glad I had this blog because it was an outlet for my opinions and confused perspectives, and by blogging I could organize my thoughts and understand why I was confused or conflicted. Writing online is very different from writing in a notebook since when typing, I can change my ideas very quickly or add new ones, editing and organizing as I continue typing. While on paper, although I personally prefer the feeling of physically writing rather than typing, I cannot edit nor organize as quickly, and I also cannot change what is written as easily, leading me to forget what I wanted to write by the time I finish erasing a poorly constructed idea to make space for the new one. Writing online is liberating because it allows speed while writing, so I can free my thoughts and add them quickly to the post. However, it is limiting because it does not give the actual feeling of writing, so I would often prefer writing on paper to express thoughts rather than typing, as typing feels artificial. I think people are more real online since we can hide behind our computer screens to express our thoughts without the superficial judgement of expressing ideas in public and in person. No one can see what we look like, so people can truly only judge our quality with the quality of our thoughts expressed. We can express our opinions online without needing people to listen, so we are free to argue with ourselves, which would be strange if done in public. Online, people reading our blogs is a choice (not required), while in public, a listening audience is necessary (since it would be disrespectful if no one listened, and it would appear strange to talk to yourself without addressing an audience). I think that some teenagers abuse their freedom to be online, since they do not spend their time online productively or wisely. I don't think people type things they would never say to someone in person, since thoughts do not appear merely because one is online, they are simply expressed online, so it only requires a specific situation for those same thoughts to be spoken in person. This is not a good nor bad thing because these thoughts only show our class (or lack of), so it doesn't matter where they are expressed, since it makes no difference if they were there in the person's mind all along. I may continue blogging on a new blog in the future, since, as I've said before, it is an outlet to express my thoughts. I think everyone needs an outlet to express how they feel about aspects of life, whether it be a person or an online site. Blogs allow us to be free to comment on life itself, without a need for an audience, since the writer being his or her own audience is enough. If I were to create a new blog, it would be about the small events in life, and sometimes possibly, about books. It would describe the beauty of the small events in life, the ones we often miss as we rush towards what we believe will be the next "great" moment in our lives. 

Time passes too quickly, so blogs allow us to record the moments and thoughts in life that would otherwise be forgotten.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan 5 *spoiler alert*

This will be my last post on Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, a concluding one, to express what I thought of the book at its end. Snow Flower passed away, and Lily realized with deep shame and regret that Snow Flower did not betray her after all, and that it was herself who misunderstood and mistreated her laotong. Although Lily did take care of Snow Flower at every moment after she found out about Snow Flower's fatal illness, she still felt regretful that while Snow Flower apologized to her despite the agonizing circumstances, Lily, even at the very end of Snow Flower's life, did not. The book moves on, and Lily is now an extremely old woman, who has outlived most of everyone she loved (including her laotong, her husband, and most of her sons). At the story's final paragraph, Lily thinks of Snow Flower's last words and hopes to see her in the after world, while wondering at how forgiving the after world truly is. She hopes Snow Flower can hear her, and most of all, forgive her. 

I thought of how in the end, perhaps fate did punish Lily after all for being so cruel to Snow Flower. For I believe that living to see everyone around you die is one of the worst punishments one can receive, especially when one's long life is spent on regretting irreversible mistakes. Then, if Lily already received her punishment, shouldn't she be able to spend a happy eternity with Snow Flower in the after world when she dies? Is fate really so unforgiving as to deny her the happy after life she should have with her beloved laotong? This question truly cannot be answered, since firstly this is a fictional story, and secondly, no one who is still living can tell what happens after death. It would be tragic though, if "life" did not exist after death, because then we would never be able to apologize to those we hurt in our lifetimes. Is this the punishment we receive for making stupid or cruel choices? That there is no after life so we have to carry the burden of regret for eternity? But, then again, if nothing happened after death, we would not be able to feel regret then would we? 

Regardless of what happens after death, everyone should still have the chance to apologize for our actions, so in cases like Lily's, it is very tragic since she never took the chance even though it was available, and it slipped from her grasp right before she realized her mistakes. Perhaps this is why we should always think before making impulsive and often negative actions, as we never know how it will affect others and if we will even have the chance to apologize. We should show our love towards loved ones rather than argue with them, so we won't be in a situation of extreme regret due to irreversible mistakes that were made much too late for apologies.   

Perhaps being unable to forgive yourself is the worst punishment of all.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan 4 *spoiler alert*

When Her Life Ends, The Hatred Does Too


I am almost at the end of Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. Much has happened, and after a great misunderstanding between the two laotong, Lily openly humiliates Snow Flower and vows to never see her again. Her hatred for Snow Flower (as she believes Snow Flower betrayed her in the promise of being a faithful laotong) stays with her for many years until one day she is informed by Snow Flower's daughter that her laotong is gravely ill and will not live for much longer. Despite being deeply humiliated by Lily, Snow Flower still calls for her. Lily hurries to Snow Flower, and upon seeing her deathly pale laotong nearing death, her past hatred and grudges  wash away. She comforts Snow Flower, who is in great pain, and realizes (after finding a doctor to look at Snow Flower) that Snow Flower cannot be saved. 

It's tragic that only when it's nearly too late does Lily realize that she should not have hurt or despised her laotong for so many years. Only when she sees Snow Flower in such pain does she discover her love for her laotong again. Is this the ultimate consequence of hatred? That we end up regretting being so cruel to someone we should not have hated after all, but at the same time realize it is already much too late for apologies? Do we only regret our actions after it is much too late? 

It seems as though death and the lack of time left with Snow Flower for Lily was the final solution that ended the hatred she had for her, as unfair as this may seem. But perhaps it is in a way fair, because if nothing reminded us that many people in our lives should be treasured, despite possible disagreements and misunderstandings, what would keep us from being ignorant fools who never realize our mistakes? It is a pity though, that this reminder comes so late, as by the time we learn from our mistakes, we are often too late.

I think that although Snow Flower's fate is tragic, it may be for the best, for isn't it better for the laotongs to love each other again despite the brief time they have left together rather than for them to live long yet stay in a bitter relationship for the rest of their lives? Perhaps this is the price one must pay for love and friendship: the price of time. But is it worth it? I'm not sure. I believe that as long as one's life is meaningful, then its brevity is irrelevant and unimportant, but just how short is too short when it comes to life? How important is friendship in contrast to life? But then again, what is life without friendship? Perhaps the opinion of whether or not time is worth sacrificing for friendship is truly a matter of personal beliefs, and it is a question that cannot be answered simply or generally.

What may have seemed tragic may actually have been meaningful if we take the time to look again. 

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan 3 *spoiler alert*

Tragically Unexpected  


 Much time has passed (even the emperor has died, with the reign passed on to his son), and many things have been revealed. Life was not so perfect for Snow Flower after all, as it is revealed that she had many family issues, and that she did not actually live in a higher class than Lily. While Lily's fate went uphill with her perfectly bound feet and natural beauty, Snow Flower's went steeply down (although she had nicely bound feet and a beautiful face too) due to her family's embarrassingly and shamefully tragic past. Lily married into the best family in Tongkou (her county's best village) while Snow Flower married into the family of a butcher, which is regarded as terribly lowly as butchers were considered polluted due to the nature of their work. While Lily grew in wealth and status and gave birth to three sons and a daughter, Snow Flower lived in poor living conditions with a cunning and evil mother-in law and constantly suffered miscarriages (though she still managed to give birth to one sickly son, one strong son, and a daughter). A plague swept through the county, killing Lily's parents and her kind mother-in-law (leaving Lily in the position of the highest woman in the household). Though they still love each other, the laotongs' love has become less affectionate towards each other. Now at the age of thirty two, the women visit each other with Lily going over to Snow Flower's home. On her visit, the war between rebels and the country draw closer until they have to flee into the night. Now, Lily and Snow Flower's family are hiding in the mountains with other families, waiting for the chaos to end.

The things revealed in the book were, as my post's theme says, tragically unexpected. How did a poor farmer's daughter grow to be the wealthy and respected lady of Tongkou's highest ranking household? And how did the refined and elegant daughter of an originally high ranking household grow to see her family and future fall apart, then marry a person of the worst possible profession and suffer in polluted, what-would-be-considered lowly circumstances? It makes me think of how unexpected life is, how things can turn out to be the opposite of what was expected. It's ironic that the original girl of higher-standing grew to be a woman that stands lower than the girl who was originally much lower than her who grew to be a woman of unbelievably high social standing. It makes me think of how some things perhaps are meant to be for some people while other things are meant for others. No matter what social standing one may have started out on, if he/she is not meant to stay on that standing, he/she will not stay on that standing regardless of how impossible it may seem. Of course, this is just my view on the lives of Lily and Snow Flower (as I do believe in fate, but not necessarily god), and perhaps it had nothing to do with fate at all. Perhaps Snow Flower was simply unlucky while Lily happened to be lucky to have extremely high foot arches that led to her superior bound feet which then led to her rise in fortune. 

But, if things were indeed fated, then it would be quite unfair that some people are destined for harder lives than others. It would mean that nothing could change that person's less fortunate future, regardless of how hard that person strives to reach success. This topic reminds me of my group philosophical discussion on fatalism, and whether or not it is real. However, I don't think we discussed whether or not fate was fair. Then again, who can say if fate is "fair" if we don't even know what "fair" is in terms of fate. Or perhaps, fate doesn't even exist. If fate didn't exist, it would be even more tragic in the story as that would mean Snow Flower's life fell apart due to the bad decisions of her family. I think that Snow Flower may want to rather believe that fate is the reason for what happened as it is always better to blame a higher power (like fate)for your tragic circumstances than to accept that your own family's past actions is the reason for your present suffering. A truth like that would be very hard to accept, so it may be better to not accept it at all. 

BBC News' Outrage at Syrian rebel shown 'eating soldier's heart' Non-Fiction Blog Post

This article was about how a Syrian rebel was caught (in a video) apparently "taking a bite from the heart of a dead soldier".  It has been shocking to many people. The rebel, identified as Abu Sakkar, is a rather well known rebel from the city of Homs. The Human Rights Watch claims that this is a war crime, and it may be as the Syrian Coalition says he will be tried in court. This took place recently, in the war that still rages in Syria. Time Magazine said it has spoken to Sakkar, who confirmed that he had indeed bitten one of the soldier's organs, yet it is still unclear whether or not it was truly the heart, or another organ.

The author wants me to feel shock, disbelief, horror, and perhaps disgust. The author did not need to add much into the article for the reader to experience the  emotions, as the thought of biting an organ of another person is similar to the thought of cannibalism, and naturally, we pale at the thought of cannibalism. The author does use subtle phrases though, to plant the emotions into readers' minds. Such phrases include "taking a bite" as this phrase is often used casually and possibly positively, which in this case, that is neither casual nor positive, would be highly disturbing. The author also places others' reactions to the video into the article to propose to readers how they could/should feel about the subject. These reactions are all negative, such as describing how the video is gruesome and one of the worst ever seen by BBC's Jim Muir, or how the Human Rights Watch believes the subject to be "particularly disturbing".

I was shocked and slightly appalled by the subject of the article as removing  one's organ and biting it is cannibalistic and unnatural for the actions of people. Perhaps as people, we are disgusted by such actions as they seem too "animal-like" for us humans (although we are actually animals...). What drives people to act in such ways? War. War changes people, often for the worse. It's tragic, I believe, for perhaps the rebel would not have acted this way if his country was not war torn and with many societal issues (as all countries have at times of war). War is much more than just death and/or victory, as war has no victory, and there is no one in the war torn country that it doesn't affect. I believe that Sakkar's actions do not reflect merely the horror of his actions, but also the horror of war and its affect on those involved in it.

Putting him on trial will not change much, as the circumstances of Syria will probably not be greatly affected from one man's punishment.

The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet- essay

The Consequences of Impetuosity


"For never was a story of more woe/ Than this of Juliet and her Romeo." (5.3.320-321) Perhaps this was true only because The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet could have been prevented. Though some things may have been fated, the lovers' actions were not. So in the end, it was their own impetuosity that brought them to their untimely deaths. Their impetuous actions show that fate played no part in the tragedies that unfolded. As most of The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare was a telling of impetuous actions and their consequences, we learn through Romeo and Juliet's impulsive actions and decisions that impetuosity often leads to dire results, so if they used rationality rather than impetuosity, perhaps there would be no tragedy for the play to tell.

The suicides of Romeo and Juliet were the acts of impetuosity that ended it all. For if they thought rationally before acting, they would not have died. They would have realized that life is too precious to waste, and that by killing themselves, they would make those around them, those who loved them, suffer as well. As Lady Capulet said, "My child, my only life," (4.5.24) it shows that there were people other than Romeo who loved Juliet, and Juliet failed to realize this when she chose impetuosity over rationality. And as Romeo said, "Here's to my love... Thus with a kiss I die," (5.3.119, 120) it shows that he too forgot about those who loved him and therefore would suffer if he died, as he thought of only Juliet when he made his impulsive decision. And in the end, it was those who loved Romeo and Juliet who truly suffered for the lovers' impetuosity. 

While the lovers' suicides marked their ends, it would not have come to be if not for Romeo's second main act of impulse. If Romeo did not seek revenge on Tybalt for killing Mercutio, he would not have killed him, and therefore would not have been banished. And if he was not banished, he would not have missed Friar Lawrence's letter (about Juliet) and therefore would not have believed Juliet's death was real. When he faced Tybalt to avenge Mercutio's death, he said, "And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now... Either thou or I, or both, must go with him" (3.1.129, 134). This shows that he let impulse take control of his actions before considering the consequences that would result from the death of Tybalt. By the time logic caught up with his actions, it was much too late.

 Despite Romeo and Juliet's continuous acts of impulse throughout the play, the course of tragedies truly came to be from their first few "blissful" and impulsive moments together, starting from the moment they met and fell in love. As the Chorus said, "Alike bewitchèd by the charm of looks," (2.0.6) Romeo and Juliet fell in love impulsively as they were drawn to each other's physical appearance. And since they fell for each other's looks, there was really only a very limited amount of true love involved, or perhaps none at all. They were too impetuous, as they agreed to marry each other after only one meeting. Romeo proposed to Juliet on impulse as after one meeting he already asked "Th' exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine," (2.2.134) to Juliet. He acted irrationally, without considering the low probability of true love at first sight (as it is highly improbable that love can be "faithful" after just one meeting). Juliet was equally impulsive as Romeo when she accepted his proposal by saying, "I gave thee mine before thou didst request it," (2.2.135) (as it is senseless to say such seemingly sincere words when they have only just met). Their thoughts and fantasies of love made them impetuous which blocked all rationality. Their love was the root of the problem in the play since if they didn't fall in love they wouldn't have experienced all the tragedies in the play and therefore would not ultimately lose their lives.

The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet did not have to be a tragedy if not for the lovers' impetuosity and lack of rational reasoning. Their impetuosity doomed them from the moment they fell in love, but they could have changed their fate if they thought rationally throughout the rest of the play. Unfortunately, though, they did not. This tragic play that ended with the deaths of the young lovers shows that there are almost always consequences with impetuosity and rash/impulsive decisions. Perhaps Shakespeare wanted to teach the audience through his play to always use rationality over impetuosity so we will not have to face tragic situations such as those in Romeo and Juliet. And perhaps The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is not only the greatest love story ever told, but also the story that we always can, and should, learn from.   

 

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan 2 *spoiler alert*

The Order of Fate 


 I have continued reading Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. Lily with her laotong (a sworn lifelong friend that is actually deeper than a regular sworn sister, although the relationship is similar) Snow Flower are now seventeen, and Lily is about to marry. They are both betrothed, they both have bound feet (Lily's are considered perfect so she is marrying into an upper class wealthy family in Snow Flower's village of Tongkou), and they have been very good friends over the years. Lily's cousin Beautiful Moon (who was like a sister to Lily since they lived together and were good friends and suffered the pain of footbinding together at the same time) was going to marry to an upper class family close to Lily's future family, so they were delighted that they were going to spend their lives together, however, Beautiful Moon died from a bee sting in the last chapter with Snow Flower and Lily being fifteen. This is all I have read so far.

It saddened me that Beautiful Moon died so tragically and so young. A quote from this part of the book stood out to me, as it said that with Lily's family being poor and all of a sudden needing to face numerous weddings (that are very expensive), it disrupted the balance of the universe so the gods killed Beautiful Moon to balance it back. "There is no life without death," it said, followed by , "This is the true meaning of yin and yang." I wondered if this was true. Do the skies really control the balance of the world? Do they add and take away lives to keep the universe's scale at a constant balance? This would be an interesting way to view life, for it means that death is meaningful, that we die to put the world back into balance. I wondered if the meaning of yin and yang was truly as the story told. Does life and death creating universal harmony and balance, constantly changing but at the same time constantly keeping equal weight on both sides of the scale? With life comes death, so I believe that when life occurs, death must too. While I type this post, someone dies, yet someone is also born. Is this fact simply coincidental to the belief that fate and gods control the universe or is it actually the truth that the skies are actually able to take away or add life simply to create balance? One could think that this shows how insignificant we are, as we are simply pieces of weight on fate's scale. But one could also think that we are important, for as I have said before, if we are not taken to the other side of the scale, how would the universe keep balance? The skies may depend on these little weights to manage something as great as the universe. I am not saying that gods must exist, but if I were to believe the theories and views of life from this book, this is how I would perceive it. And I do believe that greater powers exist, or, rather, I don't know if they exist but I want to believe they do since if they did not, the world truly would have no hope or significance and nor would life. 

Yin and Yang is balanced, equal, much like how life and death should be. I think Lily understands this, for even though she mourns her cousin's death, she does not believe that it was unfair. For, who's to decide whether life or death comes at a fair time or not (I am conflicted about this because family friends will always die too early in the eyes of loved ones, yet the death would seem to be worth it when seeing that it keeps universal balance)? How do we know whether someone was or wasn't meant to die? Lily accepts most things in life as part of a bigger picture, which prevents her from falling into the depths of anger and depression. I wonder though, if she has an opinion on fate and the gods, or does she simply accept that life is life, and that we are only game pieces on fate's board, that we are destined to walk one path, so what happens to us in life is out of our control.