Blog Reflection

Through blogging, I learned that as a reader, I tend to become conflicted on issues in books very easily. Although I start off with a clear opinion, as I start typing and referring back to the book, I often find myself mentally arguing with myself on the truth of my original opinion. As I usually include questions in my posts that relate the story to real life, at the end of most of my posts I will say that I don't know the answer to my own question, which, regardless of my original opinion, was always the truth all along. I realized that I enjoy asking questions that make me think but never find an answer despite the thinking (even though I believe everything does have a definite answer). From blogging, I benefited by learning to understand that not all questions can be answered by my original opinions, and even when I think deeper into the issue, I may still not have an answer. I also benefited by being able to write out my thoughts regardless of whether or not people actually read them. I am glad I had this blog because it was an outlet for my opinions and confused perspectives, and by blogging I could organize my thoughts and understand why I was confused or conflicted. Writing online is very different from writing in a notebook since when typing, I can change my ideas very quickly or add new ones, editing and organizing as I continue typing. While on paper, although I personally prefer the feeling of physically writing rather than typing, I cannot edit nor organize as quickly, and I also cannot change what is written as easily, leading me to forget what I wanted to write by the time I finish erasing a poorly constructed idea to make space for the new one. Writing online is liberating because it allows speed while writing, so I can free my thoughts and add them quickly to the post. However, it is limiting because it does not give the actual feeling of writing, so I would often prefer writing on paper to express thoughts rather than typing, as typing feels artificial. I think people are more real online since we can hide behind our computer screens to express our thoughts without the superficial judgement of expressing ideas in public and in person. No one can see what we look like, so people can truly only judge our quality with the quality of our thoughts expressed. We can express our opinions online without needing people to listen, so we are free to argue with ourselves, which would be strange if done in public. Online, people reading our blogs is a choice (not required), while in public, a listening audience is necessary (since it would be disrespectful if no one listened, and it would appear strange to talk to yourself without addressing an audience). I think that some teenagers abuse their freedom to be online, since they do not spend their time online productively or wisely. I don't think people type things they would never say to someone in person, since thoughts do not appear merely because one is online, they are simply expressed online, so it only requires a specific situation for those same thoughts to be spoken in person. This is not a good nor bad thing because these thoughts only show our class (or lack of), so it doesn't matter where they are expressed, since it makes no difference if they were there in the person's mind all along. I may continue blogging on a new blog in the future, since, as I've said before, it is an outlet to express my thoughts. I think everyone needs an outlet to express how they feel about aspects of life, whether it be a person or an online site. Blogs allow us to be free to comment on life itself, without a need for an audience, since the writer being his or her own audience is enough. If I were to create a new blog, it would be about the small events in life, and sometimes possibly, about books. It would describe the beauty of the small events in life, the ones we often miss as we rush towards what we believe will be the next "great" moment in our lives. 

Time passes too quickly, so blogs allow us to record the moments and thoughts in life that would otherwise be forgotten.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan 5 *spoiler alert*

This will be my last post on Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, a concluding one, to express what I thought of the book at its end. Snow Flower passed away, and Lily realized with deep shame and regret that Snow Flower did not betray her after all, and that it was herself who misunderstood and mistreated her laotong. Although Lily did take care of Snow Flower at every moment after she found out about Snow Flower's fatal illness, she still felt regretful that while Snow Flower apologized to her despite the agonizing circumstances, Lily, even at the very end of Snow Flower's life, did not. The book moves on, and Lily is now an extremely old woman, who has outlived most of everyone she loved (including her laotong, her husband, and most of her sons). At the story's final paragraph, Lily thinks of Snow Flower's last words and hopes to see her in the after world, while wondering at how forgiving the after world truly is. She hopes Snow Flower can hear her, and most of all, forgive her. 

I thought of how in the end, perhaps fate did punish Lily after all for being so cruel to Snow Flower. For I believe that living to see everyone around you die is one of the worst punishments one can receive, especially when one's long life is spent on regretting irreversible mistakes. Then, if Lily already received her punishment, shouldn't she be able to spend a happy eternity with Snow Flower in the after world when she dies? Is fate really so unforgiving as to deny her the happy after life she should have with her beloved laotong? This question truly cannot be answered, since firstly this is a fictional story, and secondly, no one who is still living can tell what happens after death. It would be tragic though, if "life" did not exist after death, because then we would never be able to apologize to those we hurt in our lifetimes. Is this the punishment we receive for making stupid or cruel choices? That there is no after life so we have to carry the burden of regret for eternity? But, then again, if nothing happened after death, we would not be able to feel regret then would we? 

Regardless of what happens after death, everyone should still have the chance to apologize for our actions, so in cases like Lily's, it is very tragic since she never took the chance even though it was available, and it slipped from her grasp right before she realized her mistakes. Perhaps this is why we should always think before making impulsive and often negative actions, as we never know how it will affect others and if we will even have the chance to apologize. We should show our love towards loved ones rather than argue with them, so we won't be in a situation of extreme regret due to irreversible mistakes that were made much too late for apologies.   

Perhaps being unable to forgive yourself is the worst punishment of all.